As a new mom I am incapable of restraining myself from mentioning that I am a new mom and letting it overtake every aspect of my life, which I am fully embracing. Yet, as we settle into this new normal in our home I am eager to return to some semblance of a creative practice with the goal of integrating creativity and my specific creative practice into daily life.
The first thing you need to know about balance is that it is not a teeter totter rigid equation. In life, balance is a fluid concept, one that changes day to day and depends on the time, energy, space, and capacity we have for the activities we are trying to balance. When talking specifically about creative drive, I want to be very clear; I am not talking about creative practice, I am talking about balancing the demands of that creative practice on us and evaluating what it gives to us versus what it takes to do.
The idea of balancing creative drive came to me back in April when I was frantically trying to “catch up” with my blog posts, wrote and published three in one day and then proceeded to crash and burn while lamenting my inability to contribute anything to my WIPs even though I had every desire to do so. This wave pattern is present in many aspects of my life, and although I pride myself on being able to ebb and flow through seasons of life, this binge mentality isn't a healthy one that propagates consistency, integration, or calm.
My creative drive has come back full force since having our little one. I am editing essays, beta reading, requesting to do ARCs, writing the blog, brainstorming my WIPs to death and wanting to read ravenously. Whether I act on this drive to create or not, the drive itself taxes considerable amounts of energy for its existence. My mental energies go into stoking that drive, fueling the fires with ideas and questions. Balancing that taxing creative drive with the demands of nursing and caring for a newborn whose every need must be met and satisfied by me, and the effort to keep myself fed, rested, and of sound mind is difficult to navigate some days.
The question really becomes: how engaged can I become with my creative drive? Do I allow the drive itself to deplete my energy stores, or do I choose a specific direction in which to focus this drive and act on it, thereby producing some work and channelling that energy to a purpose, limiting my energy output to the confines of the doing rather than the persistent spiral of ambition and ideation?
For me, the desire to create, that drive to do something takes more energy than the actual doing or creating. However, I need to make sure it is a manageable amount of doing in the specified time I have, otherwise I end up still feeling that lack, that drive to continue long after that fleeting time has passed - a newborn’s needs do take priority after all, and without any regret or resentment I happily answer the consistent and some days constant call of motherhood.
My Top Tips for Balancing Creative Drive
Figure out what costs you more energy: the drive itself or the creating.
If the drive itself will have you spinning your wheels and eating up more than its share of energy, I urge you to find a pocket of time to sit down and engage with it, thus conserving more energy from the rest of life and feeling a satisfaction in the doing to take the edge off that drive.
Ask yourself: does the joy of creating refill that energy store?
If the project you are working on, or a particular over scheduled day does not offer the time to indulge or the volume of energy back, then perhaps the creative drive needs a placeholder, and acknowledgement and a promise to designate space and time later in the day or week. When the creating is too laborious and just further depletes you, it either is not the time for this project, or it is not the right project for you. I try to have very few shoulds when it comes to creativity, but I am a firm believer that creativity should give back to you, should serve you and your life, and vice versa.
Evaluate how your creative drive impacts other aspects of your life.
If your creative drive drives you to the point of paralysis or distraction, taking away your focus, energy, or ability to be present and effective in other areas of your life it is out of control. The balance is off. Either we need to engage with it more actively to siphon off the excess that bleeds into our executive functioning, or we need to reevaluate the priority we assign to our creativity versus the day job, our family, and our own well being. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it time and time again; if it does not serve you, it is not for you. This goes both ways. Your life should serve your creativity, and your creativity should serve your life, but all of it should serve you. If you do not feel enriched by a practice or a desire, then we need to take a step back and reevaluate what impact it does have, what impact we want it to have, and why those two things don’t line up at the moment.
Right now I am able to channel my creative drive into my creative practice, specifically in my writing. I have had to relinquish my drive for dance and teaching dance (for now) in this new chapter of our family. However, I have gained a new creative outlet - life with a newborn, and as he grows I know there will be many opportunities to channel my creative drive into teaching him, creating new activities and experiences for him, and all kinds of imaginary play!
I leave you with this final thought: creative drive is the push to make, to try, to follow curiosity and delight in its fruits. When creative drive overtakes life, it stumbles into the realm of obsession, and in all its forms, obsession is never healthy - it takes without giving. Creative drive is a force that gives back what it takes, it doesn't consume energy, it changes that energy from a desire to an action.
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